


no place i'd rather be

by popnographic



Series: SouHaru drabbles [8]
Category: Free!
Genre: (... again), (a little), Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-04 16:57:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5341580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popnographic/pseuds/popnographic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sousuke wonders if it's worth it, or if he should just let go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	no place i'd rather be

**Author's Note:**

> This exists solely for the reason that I wanted SouHaru angst. I didn't expect it to be 3k when I started it (more like 1500 words at most), but here we are. Surprise, Nat is incapable of writing short things. (Who's surprised, really?)

Sousuke absolutely hates the thing Haruka does whenever they’re arguing. How he pinches the bridge of his nose between a thumb and an index finger, the frown he wears on his face, and the sigh that _always_ follows. The sigh that Sousuke fears will one day precede Haruka’s decision to break up with him. He doesn’t want to let go, but knows that maybe that would be for the best. For the both of them, so that they won’t have to have these arguments.

It doesn’t happen often, thankfully, but when it does, it’s as if all hell breaks loose and it’s the end of the world. _Haruka_ seems to think it’s the end of the world right now, and that doesn’t happen very often. Maybe it’s because this time, he has a reason for it.

“You know you _have_ to go to rehab in order to get better, it’s not like skipping a class in school. The consequences are greater than those you’d get from not showing up to a class.”

Sousuke rolls his eyes. “It’s not that big of a deal, Haruka. And I _forgot_ , okay? I didn’t ‘skip’ it, I forgot.”

“Even though it’s the same day and time every week.”

“Yes! There’s a lot of other stuff going on outside of fucking shoulder rehabilitation, and I forgot about it as a result.”

Haruka raises an eyebrow, and he crosses his arms over his chest, looking anything but pleased with Sousuke’s explanation.

“This isn’t the first time, either. Don’t you _want_ to get better?”

Sousuke huffs in frustration and runs a hand through his hair. “Are you my mother, or what? Sheesh. Of _course_ I want to get better! I already told you a million times that I _forgot_ and that I’ll go to rehab next time. Promise. I’ll do a fucking pinky promise if that makes you believe me.”

“I’d rather see you _do_ it than just promise to do something. It doesn’t mean anything when you tell me you’ll do something unless I get to see it actually happening.”

Honestly, Sousuke would’ve never moved away from home if he knew he’d be moving in with his mother’s clone instead. Her clone is obviously way prettier and thankfully not related to him by blood, but the way they nag and worry far too much is something they very much have in common.

“You know, you keep lecturing me about my fucking shoulder appointments when you’re not that much better. What about your psychologist appointments? Your pills that I constantly have to remind you to take? Stop acting like you’re a faultless fucking saint, Haruka. We’re human, we forget things, it’s normal.”

“Don’t make this about me,” Haruka almost _growls_ , and the hairs on the back of Sousuke’s neck stand up. It’s getting scary, and he knows Haruka is near boiling point, but he’s stupid enough to continue further with this, stupid enough not to give up when it’s probably the best thing to do.

“Oh, of course I won’t, because it’s _never_ about you, it’s _always_ about me and how I constantly fuck up and make you worry, and how I never do anything right.”

Sousuke feels like his blood is boiling in his veins, and knows it probably won’t take long for him to start shouting. He’s trying his best to control himself, because he knows that him throwing a fit of rage won’t solve anything—it’ll just make it worse.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Well, you don’t _have_ to! That’s the fucking beauty of being in a relationship with someone; you get to know them. By getting to know them, you know what they want to say without having to put it into audible words. I know how you work, whether you like it or not.”

Sousuke glares at Haruka, and then lets out another exasperated sigh in frustration before turning around and storming out into the hallway. He grabs the car keys on the way to the door, and shoves his feet into his shoes before he leaves the house, ignoring Haruka’s footsteps behind him. Of course, it doesn’t surprise him that Haruka barely put any effort into trying to get him to stay.

He gets into the car as fast as he can, and starts the engine. His mind is a storm, and he can’t really figure out _what_ he’s thinking right now, because there’s just so much going on. When he drives out on the road, he realises he doesn’t have a particular destination in mind, but he doesn’t give two craps about it, as long as he can get away, and sort out his head. And no matter what he tries to tell himself, he knows he’ll be back. When that is, however, is a different issue.

 

* * *

 

The streetlights swooshing by reflect in his eyes, and Sousuke frowns. He needs to get out of the town-y area of Iwatobi, get to the countryside where there’s less people around, less things to distract him. Where he’ll be further away from his problems, and also from an inevitable confrontation with his boyfriend. If he can stall it, he will, and that’s why he’s in his car right now, driving to the outskirts of the town he moved back to in order to live with his boyfriend.

Was it all worth it? Was it worth moving back here, moving in with Haruka, if this is what it would come down to? Sousuke has _always_ hated how people treat him like he’s a piece of very fragile glass, how they barely want to touch him because they think he’ll break. He might not be strong, but he isn’t weak, either. And considering how many times he’s fallen and gotten up afterwards, there’s got to be something that proves that he’s not anywhere _near_ being fragile in that.

And it’s funny how Haruka’s of the same mindset in not wanting people to treat him like he’s incapable of doing things on his own, and how people treat him like glass, yet he does it, too; he treats Sousuke like he’s fragile as well. No matter how many times Sousuke tells him not to, Haruka just can’t seem to get out of his bad habit. Both Rin _and_ Makoto say it’s because Haruka cares, and maybe Sousuke just finds that concept in and of itself so strange that he can’t believe it would apply to Haruka in the first place.

The buildings get fewer and farther in between as Sousuke keeps driving. The roads are pretty much empty out here, and he loves the silence that comes with it. Loves how strangely welcoming it is, how it isn’t roaring, yelling, _judging_. He bets that, if he wanted to, Sousuke could probably scream until his lungs gave out, and no one would be around to hear it. Like he’d be in space, except he’s actually able to breathe.

His eyes wander over to the dashboard, where there’s a printed black-and-white picture of him and Haruka taped to the top. Sousuke had told Haruka not to do that since the tape would leave marks, but Haruka told him he’d pay for whatever damages could come out of it. Sousuke eventually let it be, and _now_ is the worst time for that thing to sit there. He sighs again, and looks up at the seemingly endless road in front of him.

He flinches when his phone rings in his pocket, but when he fishes it out of there only to see it’s Haruka calling, he puts it down on the passenger seat and lets it ring until it goes silent again. He squeezes his eyes shut hard for a second and clenches his left fist, and then returns his attention to driving.

Sousuke loves Haruka, no doubt. There isn’t anything in the world Sousuke wouldn’t do for Haruka, and while that sometimes scares him, he’s come to terms with it a long time ago, and it feels like it’s just part of who he is when he’s with Haruka now. And it isn’t just him being conceited; others think he’s become a better person since he started dating Haruka, too. Even Rin, who still to this day calls Sousuke an ass on probably a daily basis, but he says it’s out of love.

“ _I wouldn’t still be here if I didn’t love you_.”

The words echo in his head, and he tries to shake them out through his ears, but it doesn’t work. Sousuke knows he doesn’t have a reason to doubt Haruka’s love for him, but sometimes he wonders if maybe Haruka thinks he’d be better off without Sousuke, too. It’s true that they kind of depend on each other in many situations, not to mention those brought up in the argument that put Sousuke in this car to begin with, and he wonders how they’d manage if they _weren’t_ breathing down each other’s necks about these issues so often.

His phone rings again, but like before, he doesn’t pick up. He doesn’t know what he’d say if he did, so he lets it be.

Would Sousuke be going to rehab regularly to get his shoulder sorted out and _finally_ , once and for all, have it heal and erase a big chunk of his daily worries? Would Haruka be better about setting up appointments with his psychiatrist, taking his daily medication? Probably not, and it’s a scary thought. Especially when Sousuke thinks what would become of Haruka if Sousuke wasn’t around.

It isn’t as if Sousuke doubts Haruka’s independency. He’s definitely gotten a _lot_ more independent in the past few years, and while he might not be too good about taking his pills or seeing his psychiatrist, he’d at least do okay on his own. Sousuke would, too, but it still wouldn’t be the same. It wouldn’t be _right_ , and that’s the big thing that makes Sousuke realise that no, he doesn’t want to break up with Haruka because of a stupid thing like this. If they encounter an obstacle, they find their way to either climb over or under it, or they completely break it down in order to go forward.

Sousuke slows down, and drives to the side of the road. What the hell is he even _doing_? Running away? Why is he running away from the only person he wants to be with? Why isn’t he following the advice he keeps giving to others whenever they have relationship problems? Haruka was right, as he always is. Sousuke shakes his head, turns his car around, and drives back home. He has no idea how long he’s been out on the road, but judging by the colour of the sky above him, it’s been a good hour or two. Maybe longer, he’s lost the ability to estimate time, and he didn’t really look at the time when he stormed out the house, either.

He swallows hard, and expects shit to hit the fan once he comes back home, but he knows he deserves it. Why is hindsight a thing, and why is he so good at it?

 

* * *

 

Sousuke rolls up onto the driveway, parks, and shuts off the car. His hands still grip the steering wheel, and he’s scared of letting go, of exiting the car, and most of all, walking inside the house. Has he done it now? Has he fucked it up so bad that what’s waiting for him inside is just a break-up and a command to pack his bags and leave? Is there even a way for him to try and prevent it at this stage?

Even so, he knows he can’t stay out here forever, and that he’s already put off the incoming continuation of their argument from earlier more than he should’ve been allowed to.

He opens the door slowly, and finds that the lights are still on despite the darkness outside. The clock on his phone tells him it’s way past midnight, pushing one o’clock, which means he’s been out of the house for about three hours. Three hours too many, really. Even so, he walks inside and does so as quietly as he can despite the lights still being on. Usually, whenever one of them comes home late, they leave the light in the hallway on for the other person, but right now, it’s as if it _isn’t_ almost one at night and the time when people should be asleep.

Walking into the living room, he finds it to be empty, and he sighs quietly in relief. He still has a minute or so where he won’t get yelled at, but still prepares himself for it as he walks up the stairs to their bedroom. Even more surprised, Sousuke finds it to be empty. He still takes a few steps inside, and just stands there to stare at their empty bed. It looks so big like that, when they aren’t in there together, and wonders just how big it would feel if he were to sleep there alone.

“Finally time to come home, huh.”

Sousuke whips around and gasps in surprise, to see Haruka stand by the doorway, once again with his arms crossed over his chest. He swallows, and casts his gaze downward.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I was an idiot.”

“No kidding. And you tell _me_ not to run away from fights and confrontations. Look at what _you_ did, saint Yamazaki.”

The sting in Haruka’s voice hurts, but Sousuke knows he deserves it. He takes a deep breath.

“I shouldn’t have ran off like that, and I shouldn’t have—“

“No, you shouldn’t have. Where were you? It’s been hours. You didn’t answer your phone either. Didn’t you for a _second_ think about what I felt? That maybe I would be worried about you?”

Sousuke recoils, and hunches his shoulders. “Like I said, I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me.”

“’Got into you’?!” Haruka suddenly bristles as he takes a few steps forward, closing the distance between them, and stands _right_ in front of Sousuke. He wants to take a step back, but refrains, since he knows it’s no use in doing so—Haruka would just close the distance again, and again. “You disappeared for _several hours_ , Sousuke! You ran away from an argument when you keep telling me not to do the same thing! Do you just not want to solve our problems, just run away from them? Do you want to break up, is that it?”

“No!” he almost cries. “I don’t want to break up, but I thought you did!”

“Would you honestly be surprised with the way you’re acting, with how uncooperative you are?”

Haruka is _fuming_ with rage, and Sousuke’s never seen him this angry before. He’s got all the right to _be_ angry, and Sousuke hates that he’s the reason. As much as he’s ashamed of himself, he’s also scared of Haruka, and that’s something he never thought he’d be.

“I wouldn’t,” he mumbles, and Haruka snorts.

“Good. But you don’t have to worry about that, because I won’t. Even if we fight, because that’s when you sort things out. At least that’s what you told me. And… well, Rin.”

Sousuke can’t help but smile at that; remembering how Rin told him about the trip he’d taken to Australia with Haruka to get him away from everything for a bit. How Rin had kind of lectured Haruka on how he shouldn’t have run off from his argument with Makoto, and just sorted it out right then and there. Sure, things turned out well in the end, but many things that happened could have easily been skipped.

The same thing kind of goes for tonight, Sousuke realises. Had he not run off, and just sorted things out with Haruka right then and there instead, maybe they’d be on good terms by now. They definitely wouldn’t be having this conversation right now, that’s for sure. Best case scenario, he’d be in the bed not too far away from him right now, probably with Haruka in his arms. Instead they’re arguing, neither of them anywhere close to getting into bed anytime soon, and Sousuke wouldn’t be surprised if he won’t be allowed to sleep in the bed at all that night.

“I’m sorry I ran off,” Sousuke says, this time not mumbling, and this time not looking down at the floor, either. “I just got so frustrated, because I felt like you were belittling me, but then I realised you’re just worried.”

“As you are about me, and that’s why you keep bugging me about the pills and psychiatrist appointments.”

“Y-yeah. And I’m sorry for comparing you to my mother.”

Haruka actually _laughs_ , but Sousuke knows he isn’t in the clear yet. “Yeah, I didn’t really appreciate that. And you’re right, we both make mistakes, and I both forget to call my psychiatrist, and sometimes I deliberately avoid taking my pills.”

“I guess… we’ve both got stuff to work on.”

“Yeah,” Haruka sighs. “So I’m sorry, too.”

Sousuke can’t take being apart from Haruka any longer despite it only having been a few hours, but those hours have been far too long and too many to his liking. He nearly makes both of them fall onto the floor with the impact he crashes into Haruka with, and when he’s wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, Sousuke doesn’t want to let go.”

“I love you,” he whispers. “I know I’m an idiot, but I’m thankful for you willing to put up with me.”

“You are,” Haruka agrees, “but I can be one, too. And I love you, too.”

“I can’t believe our roles are reversed. That _I_ ended up running away instead of _you_.”

“Hey,” Haruka protests, but Sousuke just laughs, putting a hand on Haruka’s head.

“It’s a compliment. I’m glad you’re my voice of reason, and that you’re the one I still get to come home to every day. No place I’d rather be than here, with you.”

Haruka makes a sound that Sousuke interprets as him being embarrassed, and he tightens his embrace, still smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) @ tumblr


End file.
